Woohoo!!! Chris Isaak ROCKS!!!!

Okay....so he's not everyone's cup of tea...or hot chocolate...or...whatEVER! Chris Isaak is still one of the all-time BEST live performers ever. And his band, Silvertone, is a conglomeration of world class musicians...bar none! Wow! Okey-dokey...now that I got that brief rant out of the way, can you tell that I just saw Chris Isaak & Silvertone in concert??? They played up in Temecula at the Pechanga Resort & Casino last night (June 23, 2007) and they were their smoking best, as always. And it was a great venue for them to play...indoors, great sound system and just big enough so us fans didn't get crushed. So glad I went... Now back to reality. I kinda wanted to go to this concert as a last fun outing before I have to (finally!) go back to work. WOW! I can't believe it's been nearly a year since I went on medical leave for my mastectomy and chemotherapy! I had planned to be back to the grindstone much sooner than this! It's weird to not have gone to work in so long...especially since I'm a bit of a workaholic....or at least I used to be a workaholic. I'm excited about going back, but I'm also more than just a little apprehensive about it as well. Okay...truth is I'm a LOT apprehensive about getting back to work. I don't know if I can take the 12-hour nights anymore. Don't get me wrong, I'm still an insomniac night-owl....it's 0445 in the morning right now and I haven't even thought about sleep. But I just don't have the stamina I used to have...I guess I'll just have to wing it and hope for the best! Anyhow....I'm glad I got to go hear some of my favorite music by one of my favorite musicians before I have to head back to the grind...it was a stellar way to celebrate my upcoming return to the work force!

My Life As A Vampire

Well...it's happening again. I'm back to my old nocturnal habits. No, I don't go around draining the blood from the unwary (although my baby brother and several other people might disagree)...and I loooove garlic. No...it's just that they rhythm of my life has always been contrary to "normal". Or at least what 98% of the world's population may consider "normal". It's not that I don't love sleep, I do. It just seems that my internal clock just seems to prefer to rev up after 11pm. I try to reset it by taking Ambien occasionally (especially if I have a doctor's appointment in the morning), but even that doesn't work at times. Thank God I usually work at night (7pm-7am)...I say usually because I have been on a bit of a hiatus from work...if a year can be called a "bit"...because of my mastectomy, chemotherapy, wound healing problems, 1st stage breast reconstruction surgery and hysterectomy. I'm finally going back to work on July 1st, part-time, and I can't wait to get back into the swing of things. It'll be nice to see my fellow night owls again and have people who understand my crazy schedule. Anyway, I guess I'll just try to stave off boredom by blogging...and it will also give me a chance to get my thoughts in order and review this past year. I don't want to get "deep" or become a philisophical windbag, but it's nice to be able to reflect on all the crap that has happened in the past year and try to work out the "whys" of everything. Confused yet??? Well...how to explain....uh....hmmm...okay, let me just say that I firmly believe that events, both good and bad, happen for a reason...I just need to figure out what those reasons are and try to learn from them. For instance...why did I have cancer??? Is it just part of the whole statistical nature of the universe...you know..."statistics show that 1 out of every 7 women will have breast cancer in their lifetime"...blah, blah, blah....and God counted off, "1...2...3...etc...7...you...yeah, you...you get cancer. You are now a statistic." Or is it for some other reason...am I supposed to take something from this experience, and somehow find a way to help those around me not become a statistic...like reminding them to do their self exams or by being vocal about being their own advocates when it comes to pushing their doctors about getting a mammogram....or something. Sigh... Don't get me wrong, I don't think I'm anything special; I'm not under any illusion that "God has picked me to be his messenger" or anything like that. But I do believe that maybe he picked me to do something more with my experiences than get a rather drastic boob job! Am I supposed to have some sort of epiphany from this or am I just one of the punchlines in the great big cosmic joke that the Almighty is playing on the Universe? No...I know, that sounded like I want some sympathy, but no...I'm just a tad befuddled. I just keep hoping that if this is a test that God grades on a curve!

Breast Self-Exams and the Pigheaded 40 year old Filipino...an update

This is how I told my friends, near & far,
that I had cancer. It saved having to tell
them all individually...and I didn't have to
see the fear in each of their eyes...that
helped me a lot.

Hi Gang, As many of you are aware, I am turning the big 4-0 this September 11th, 2006. With that in mind, I have been eagerly planning a big trip to Italy. My 1st LONG vacation. I can't wait. Everyone tells me that 40 is the new 30...we'll see. God tends to throw in a few speed bumps along the way to remind us that with all the good in life, there are times that you will come to a glitch or two....a minor rut along the pavement....or a big, body jarring pothole. This past April, during a routine breast self-exam, I found a tiny, lentil-sized bump. Nothing too out of place, but different from usual. In May, during a trip to Vegas with friends, I noted that that tiny lump had grown; now it was the size of a pea. I freaked. Immediately went to see my doctor. "It's probably nothing" is a phrase I hope never to hear for a very long time. Thank God I'm pigheaded (those of you who know me would say that that's an understatement) and insisted on a mammogram. The mammogram lead to an ultrasound, the ultrasound lead to several suggestions that "It's probably nothing" but that if I insisted, I could get a needle-aspiration biopsy. I opted to push for an open, excisional biopsy. After much eye-rolling from various physicians, I got my way and had a small, seemingly innocuous1cm X 1.5cm lump excised from under my right nipple on June 15th. After an week of healing, I got my results on June 22nd. I wish I could tell you that my doctors were right. I wish I could say that I'm just a big hypochondriac. I wish a lot of things. But as I said, God tends to throw in a few potholes in the road of life; this is one in mine. I have breast cancer. I'm doing okay...for now; the time for freaking out will come later. I'm getting to the pissed off time now...."It's probably nothing"....is now something and part of me wants to go up to each and every one of those doctors...1GP...2 radiologists...and 1 surgeon...and mop the floor with them. Now, you all know that I have some great friends who happen to be great doctors. Caring, diligent, smart and compassionate, all of them. But if there are any real lessons that I can pass on to them and to all of my friends its this...When someone...a patient....a friend...a family member...tells you that something is "wrong", something is "different", something "isn't right" BELIEVE them. And for all of you who don't do your self-exams...two words: DO IT. And BELIEVE it. We should know ourselves well enough to know when something isn't normal for our body. If you even have the thought in the back of you head "oh, that's different" get it checked out. And DO NOT let ANYBODY tell you that "IT'S PROBABLY NOTHING". Be persistent. Be insistent. Be PIGHEADED. And have a plan of attack in mind if you do get bad news. I want to take the most aggressive approach. It's early days yet and no surgeries have been scheduled. I have been referred to an oncologist and a plastic surgeon. Because the cancer was found right in the nipple area, the usual treatment is a mastectomy and I'm okay with that. As a matter of fact, I wish to have both breasts removed to eliminate the chance of reocurrance. My surgeon seems to think that I'm being a bit reactionary, but hey, what does he know...he thought that it was "probably nothing". Anyway...that's my life as of today. I have every intention of stepping off the plane in Rome come September 9th. I intend to celebrate my 40th by toasting a Roman sunset over St. Peter's Basilica on September 11th. I intend to see Florence and drink wine in Tuscany. I will be seeing Venice and the pigeons in St. Mark's Square. I will be visiting my friends, Lisa & Steven in Sicily. I will be chasing Zachary around Sigonella. And hopefully, if Lisa will cooperate, I will still be there when she has Zachary's little sister! These were my plans before this little bump in the road, these are my plans now. If you thought I was pigheaded before...you haven't seen anything yet.

My One Year Anniversary of THAT Day

Well it's been over a year since I found that fateful lump...you know the one...the one that EVERYONE with a medical degree was telling me was a harmless cyst and not get my panties in a twist. It's been nearly a year (June 22) since the surgeon told me, "Ooops, sorry, I was wrong. You do have breast cancer." And it'll be a year come the 5th of July (hence my screen/blog name) since my bilateral mastectomy. It has been a year of short-lived anger & bitterness that no one believed that I had cancer in the 1st place, to determination that my best course of action was an aggressive one, to dealing with friends who were too scared to talk to me normally, or would just ignore me totally, because the reality of cancer made them uncomfortable. A year of challenges, like chemotherapy, fatigue, meds that would give you excruciating bone pain, or your body spinning totally out of your control that it won't heal itself after surgery. A year of lightning fast hot flashes that leave you feeling like you've been caught in a blast furnace naked. It has also been a year for being grateful for friends who are there for you, even when you get on each other's nerves, the family members who understand you, and the absence of the family who only know you when it benefits them. You really find out who has your best interests at heart when you come down with a potentially debilitating or life-threatening disease. It has definitely been a year of challenges from on high. Whether you are a believer in God, Allah, Jehovah, the Goddess, or just an un-named higher power that rules our lives, I know that this has been a particularly testing year for me from the Powers That Be. Hopefully, I haven't failed any of the major tests. Anyway....more later....I think I will dig out all my posts during the start of this whole epic saga and paste it here.